Thanks for bearing with me

We are getting a little better every day.  We are having to take baby steps.  Things still hurt, but not as much as those first few days.  I am convinced we had the best vendors in the world.  All of them (except the florist, but I know she had already invested) have saved our money for when we reschedule.  They have been so gracious and supporting and understanding.  I could only hope every one in our situation would be blessed with such wonderful people.  Though the florist can't really do much of anything, she sent the most gorgeous bouquet of flowers to us on Saturday saying she was thinking of us.  Seriously, I could sing the praises of our vendors all week long.

We will reschedule, we just don't know when yet.  It will probably be sometime in January.  And you better bet your butt I'm not paying for new programs.  People will just have to look at the November 7, 2009 and deal with it.  My sister went by the florist today and picked up all of the flowers.  The florist didn't really know what to do with them so she gave us the option.  I told my sister that I would kill to see my flowers.  I think that was the thing I was most excited about.  The same florist had done my sister's wedding and she was incredible.  The bridesmaids bouquets are absolutely everything I wanted.  Chrystie described the centerpieces to me (they weren't finished, but she could get an idea) and they sounded so freakin' awesome.  I wish I could have seen all of them.  But, I know Kristi will do an incredible job the next time around, too.  I seriously wouldn't recommend anyone else to brides in Greenville.

I got tagged by MTM to do a little survey, but I'm going to hold off and doing that until Thursday when Scott is back at work.  He now has to work full days and on top of it, his guys are going to the field for the next 2ish weeks, so he will be working from 6am-7pm during that time.  I'll have tons of time on my hand.  For now, I'll leave you with the bouquet the florist sent and the bridesmaids bouquets she made.

The toss bouquet

Close up of one of the bridesmaid's bouquets

More bridesmaid's bouquets

Up close toss bouquet

The flowers Kristi sent on what was supposed to be our wedding day

He's hurting

He is ashamed of his actions.  He is in so much pain.  I've never seen him this way.  His pain melts my anger.  He needs me and that's all I need to know.

How can I get through the anger?

The reason I'm not having my dream wedding today has nothing to do with the tragedy that happened here Thursday.  That tragedy just brought to light a very poor decision my husband made and one I did not support... at. all.  He took a gamble on a day I have been dreaming about since I was little, he got caught, and now my dream has been shattered.  How do I manage to not hate him for this?  How can I look at him and know that I am more important than I feel right now?  The fact that he chose to take such a big risk on such an important day really makes me feel like it wasn't important to him... like I'm not important to him.  I just don't understand.  I'm so mad at him right now.  All of this could have been avoided had he not become arrogant.  This is not the man I married...

I'm so hurt and so angry, I don't even know what to do.  He has screwed a lot of people over and I have no sympathy for the consequences he is going to face in the following months.  I want to be able to sympathize, but I'm so hurt right now that all I can do is look at him in disgust.  How do I get through that?

The Groom's Cake...

...that we didn't get a chance to see or enjoy.  My mom e-mailed me some pictures of the groom's cake that we should have been enjoying last night.  I asked to see them because I was so excited about it.  Maybe one day, we'll get our 3rd chance at a wedding.

Worst Day Ever

First, the shootings at Ft. Hood.  Then, the calls start coming in.  Now, Scott has to be back on Ft. Hood tomorrow.  All of this means, no wedding.  And I thought my dreams about what could go wrong were bad...

Trying to think positive:  at least we weren't on post and all of the people we know are safe tonight.  But, it's still hard to not be upset.

Drive by posting

Just a quick post to say that we are still loving the beautiful fall weather at home.  We've been super busy with last minute details so far.  But, there are only 3 more days!  It's going to be a busy weekend, but hopefully I'll have some time to update next week!

Happy (day after) Halloween from the Spencer's

So, we had a pretty busy day yesterday.  For the most part our trip home was uneventful.  However, about 15 minutes into the flight from Houston to Charlotte, I thought our plane was going to drop out of the sky.  I've never felt turbulence that bad.  I was doing everything I could to keep my cookies down.  Not pleasant at all.  Needless to say, I was so happy to step foot in Greenville knowing I don't have to get on another plane for 2 weeks.

We got home, picked up Nani's costume that had been shipped to my mom.  We took a look at our ceremony programs that had just come in that day (they are beautiful... thank you Etsy!).  Then we headed back to his parent's house to hang out for a few minutes.  Once we had caught up, we went to Scott's church to pick up some pumpkins.  No one was working the stand, so we had the whole pumpkin patch to pick out the perfect ones.  8 pumpkins and $20 in the office mailbox later, we headed out to find a carving/stencil kit.  Once we found one (much harder than I thought it would be), we headed back to his parent's house to eat pizza and enjoy some holiday fun with some of his family.  Once they headed out to trick-or-treat, we started carving our pumpkin.  Our pumpkin was so thick that the carving tools wouldn't even go all the way through it.  We ended up having to scrape a lot of the meat out with our fingernails.  I think my nails started separating from the fingers, so I left the rest to Scott.  All-in-all, for our first pumpkin carved with a stencil (and only our second pumpkin together), it turned out pretty good.  Now, I'll let the pictures say the rest!